Raven's Status:
Operating Capacity: 88%
Energy Reading: 82%


Today's Journal Quote:
“Life is never easy for those who dream.”

“Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to believe there is evil in them, Healers can come to develop a certain fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Healers are drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them.”

Oh, how can I explain to you, who knows not my heart of hearts, the lands I see in my dreams?
I wonder and I wander the lanes of mind, and my thoughts and feelings cascade over me like tides. The jumble of the past roars over me, and I cannot make sense of my times. Is this the longing of a lonely child? A glimpse of the warm Summer Lands beyond life? Or is it something more? Lost memories of a life I cannot remember living?

Why do I dream for land I’ve never been to? I close my eyes and I can see the warm sun wash over the green valleys, and it glints off the warm river running beneath me. And the cool clean winds run past and over and beneath me. The lands of my heart are spread out around me, and my heart breaks with the joy of seeing it again, and it breaks with the sorrow of knowledge that I am not there.
Where is it that I belong? This world, this reality, I feel like I do not belong. Like I am not from this world, not from this time. Sometimes it’s okay. I can see the world with a newfound sense of wonder, like through a child’s eyes. The wonder of the winds and the sun and the sky, the autumn leaves, and the beauty of another’s hands.
But other times, it is not okay. The shadows creep in and I feel alone amongst the crowds. There is no wonder, no joy, in this alien world. Only fear, and sorrow, and loneliness. And at those worst of times, that is when the Black Voice speaks in my heart. It instills doubt and guilt and fear. Sometimes, I cannot make it go away. I can’t cut that Blackness from my heart.

Is it me? Is it that I am the one who believes such evil things, and who says such cruel and hurtful things? I fear this. I fear, that in my darkest corners of my soul, that I am some black creature. That I am not the person people think I am. Not the person I pretend to be.

But I digress.

So how’s the local sports team?